you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
