the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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