so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
