awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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