This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
