Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
