I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
