Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
