he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
