I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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