just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
