I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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