If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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