I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
