The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Sponge bath it is.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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