I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
