i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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