I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
