Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
