I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
