Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
