im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
