Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
