Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
