Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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