Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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