I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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