dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
