birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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