He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
