Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
