I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
