my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
