i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I believe in your delicious
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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