i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
