I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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