just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Small penises have feelings too.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
