omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
