she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
