HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you never un-have a 4some
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
