HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Quick, to the slutcave!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
