I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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