the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
