Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
