Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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