She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
