I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
