do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
