no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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