Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
