i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
