ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
