I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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